Rena Sherwood Reports: Colon Cleanse Reviewed

"So, who is this Rena Sherwood that I should listen to her?" I hear you think. Well, if you have ever been moved by advertising or an anonymous health article, then you are used to taking advice from total strangers. One more won't hurt. Today I take a tough, no-holds-barred look at why people have a colon cleanse. Reviewed with me is a very learned student of all things medical, my Mom. Say hello, Mom.

"Hello, Mom."

Very cute, Mom. First off, this report is in no way trying to point a finger at one particular product called Colon Cleanse. Reviewed here is the act of getting a colon cleanse in the first place, not an indictment of any company.

Why?

Well, Mom, why do people get a colon cleanse? Reviewed in many papers, websites, infomercials and health food stores is all about colon cleansing.

"It's the fashion, Rena. Remember, in the Roman Empire, bulimia was fashionable for a century or so. People hear about actresses and starlets getting a colon cleanse, reviewed in glossy magazines and even serious health publications. So they think they have to get one, too. Also, a cleansing apparently releases many endorphins or feel good chemicals through the body, so people think that good feeling must come from the cleansing."

Is It A Croc?

"Of course it's a croc. And I'll tell you why I know."

(As if we had a choice).

"What?"

"Nothing. Continue, Mom, please with your evidence of the croc of a colon cleanse. Reviewed by Mom."

"Well, a few years ago I had a colonoscopy. God, the PAIN! I was literally crying so hard they had to stop it. Anyway, through the haze of agony, I got to see my colon. I have an extra-long colon; did I ever tell you that? Anyway, I saw my extra-long colon. It was pink and clean. Nothing in it at all! They say that things build up over time and stay in the colon for years, but there was nothing in mine. I had to take an awful medicine the night before that made me have to sit on the toilet for four and a half hours straight, but still things should've been sticking in my colon since childhood, according to these advertisements."

That's quite a mental image there, Mom.

So, What To Do?

Save us, Mom. What should we do?

"I always thought that these Hollywood people should combine this colon cleansing thing with a colonoscopy. They could go into the colonoscopy room with all these flowers and incense and New Age music playing and make movies of their colon cleansing."

You heard it here first, folks.